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6 Ways to Make Deployment Fly By for Your Teen

By Taylor Basilio When your significant other deploys, it’s a difficult time that changes your life in an unbelievable number of ways. However, when a parent deploys, it’s all of that and more. Teens are especially affected by having a missing parent due to deployment. Middle and high school is a huge period of transition, and any change dramatically changes their day-to-day life. They are left without one half of their parents—a missing role model and confidant. As the at-home parent, you become even more responsible for making sure the deployment is as easy on them as possible. This can be tough given that you aren’t used to being a single parent, but thankfully, there are countless ways to make this easier on everyone—you, your teen, and the deployed parent. Below are a few of our favorite ways to help keep your teen busy and in good spirits during the deployment. Best of all, it helps the deployment fly by for them. Before you all know it, your significant other and their parent will be home and back in your arms! 1.Plan a day trip. This is especially fun if your teen is learning to drive and can help make the journey. For every month of the deployment, have your teen pick a place they want to visit (something within a day’s driving distance) and use the weekend to make the trip happen! 2. Teach them to contribute and help take care of the family. A great idea —especially if you have more than one teen or child—is to have your kids take turns planning, preparing, and making dinner each week. You can do this for one day each week, or you can pick one week during the month where your kids are fully in charge. Whatever timeline you all agree on, make sure that dinner is fun and family-oriented. Blast some music and dance around the kitchen while you chop veggies! 3. Write down thoughts in a journal. Regardless of what you plan and hope for during a deployment, there are going to be times when your teen is just having a rough day. By keeping a journal, they can remember each good day as it passes and express their feelings during the bad ones. 4. Get fit together. Maybe running is your family’s thing, and in that case,  training together for a 5k (or even a half or full marathon!) or running 50-100 miles during the deployment are a fun ideas. These will keep you active and busy on days where you might otherwise have nothing going on. If you don’t love running, try swimming, family volleyball games, or simply going for evening walks in each other’s company. 5. Don’t forget about the extra curriculars! Getting involved in school is a great way to pass the time, and there’s an option for everyone! Whether you love sports, chess, journalism, ROTC, or something different all together, now is the perfect time for your teen to become a part of what his or her school as to offer. Is a program missing that your teen wishes their school had? Encourage them to create it! 6. Open a savings account and try to reach a goal by the end of deployment. Whether your teen works part-time or just helps with odd jobs around the house, use this time to teach them about money—how to earn, how to save, and how not to overspend. That advice is worth its weight in gold! By following these tips, you can be sure your teen will appreciate you helping them make it through a difficult time. And who knows—you may even start a new tradition your service member will love to come home to!

By Taylor Basilio

You may have seen the first part of our series where we discussed how to keep your toddler busy during a deployment, but what about your older children? With toddlers, they are often too young to always notice that their second parent has disappeared for a long period of time, but older children understand it throughout the entire deployment and experience a heavy effect from it. While you can’t completely diminish the sadness or longing your child will have from missing their mom or dad, you can provide activities to keep them busy enough that this time will speed by. Without further ado, here are six ways to keep your kids happy and distracted when their second parent is deployed: 1. Reading their way through it.

A wonderful way to help your child stay busy

is to pick a series they love and read it from start to finish over the course of these months. Be sure to have each consecutive book ready when they finish the first. An even better idea? Send their deployed parent the same series. They can read each chapter or book together and have something fun to talk about during phone calls, Skype, or FaceTime. 2. Show them you care.

One of the good parts of deployment is making fun and

useful care packages to send to your loved one overseas. Getting the kids involved is even better! Get them excited by letting them plan and prepare care packages all on their own. They’ll love sharing their favorite things with their deployed mom or dad, and you’ll love seeing their faces light up when the package is received. 3. Go camping.

Summer camps are a perfect way to give your child something

to look forward to—and it gives you a well-earned break, too! Whether a sports, religion, or just-for-fun camp, find one your child will love and enjoy. Another idea? “Grandparent” camp! If your children have grandparents willing to spend a week with their grandson or granddaughter, arrange a time for them to spend a week loving on your kids and catching up on the one-on-one time the military lifestyle often causes them to miss out on. 4. Tackle some projects.

Whether it’s cleaning out their closet that

desperately needs some attention or working together to create a play area in the backyard, a project that lasts a few days, weeks, or months is an awesome way to keep their mind off the deployment. 5. Make a calendar.

We love this idea! For each month, let your kids help find

one super-fun activity or exciting place to visit and take a photo when you’re there. Have your deployed spouse take some neat pictures wherever they are, too. At the end of the deployment, pick your twelve favorite images and use them to create a monthly calendar for the following year. This gives you at least twelve fun moments to look forward to, and you’ll have a nice reminder of the good moments that took place all throughout the next year. 6. Plan the ultimate homecoming.

Have your kids help you think up and

prepare awesome ways to greet their parent when they get home. Whether decorating the house, surprising them with all their favorite foods, or planning a surprising vacation, keep a notebook nearby so you and your kids can write down fun ideas throughout the deployment. Keep an eye out for the final article in our series written specifically for teens and deployment! How did you keep your kids or teens busy and happy during their parent’s deployment? Let us know and your idea could be featured in our next article!

Everyone wants to know “how do you do it?” Honestly, it is easier said than done. From the day you know orders will be coming out you have endless conversations about what you’d like and what is in the best interest of your family. The orders are in, plans are being made, and the message is being sent out. Well that is the PCS life of adults but what about the kids? I had the pleasure of getting the scoop from an insider and according to him it looks something like this:   I’ve lived here my whole life and have had the same friends since diapers, or at least that is what our Mothers say. There is nothing like getting the news we are moving and “going to make new friends” along the way. At first I’m just super sad because I’m doing good in school, have awesome friends, and even like this girl but then I remember that if I’m sad it makes it harder on my parents. I start letting my friends know I’m going to be leaving and try to spend as much time as possible with them. We take tons of pictures for no reason and come up with as many ways to keep in touch that will actually work because we all know no one writes a letter anymore unless someone is deployed or in jail. Packing seems like a forever process but the day the movers come they make it seem like my whole world is nothing because it’s on a truck and heading away before I can wrap my head around it. My parents sign all kinds of papers and fuss about getting money back as I cry a little wishing to get my memories back, but I suck it up and keep it moving because this is what we do. In the car, to the airport, no the plane, and wha-la here we are! So yeah I left the ocean, sun, friends, and fun for cold and snow?! All I want to do is get to the hotel but we’ve got places to look at. Okay, this one is nice. The views may not be what I’m used to but it’s big and I can deal with big. After 4 days in a hotel we move into the big beauty but there is no stuff. Mom takes me to sign up for school, but there is no stuff.   Shopping! Just a few things is what they told me but hey we have no stuff so I need to get enough to last me for school until the truck shows up not to mention the weather is very different. I love new clothes!!!! School starts for me on Monday and I’m a nervous wreck but I put on my excited face as Mom reminds me how wonderful I am and how everyone will love me. I go to school and no one loves me and I don’t feel wonderful… About a week goes by before I have interest peaked and people who greet me regularly. There’s a birthday party coming up, wonder if I’ll be invited. Guess what? After school her Mom is talking to my Mom, fingers crossed. POW I got an invite!!!!   The party was cool, can’t go wrong with Skyzone! I feel like I’ve made friends; I Skype my friends back home and let them know how it’s going, they miss me and I miss them. Time fades and so do most of them. I’ve learned that not every relationship will last forever no matter how bad I want them to but the ones that do are the ones that really matter. Life at 8 years old looked very differently than life does at 17. I’m proud of the life my Father led serving his country but even prouder of the young man it shaped me to be. I value time, events, and people in a way most people don’t. I understand hurt, loss, and empathy in a way most people won’t. Who knew that the little boy who cried in private would one day use his tears to ease someone else’s? Certainly not me. I was nervous when HonestlyGina asked me to tell her what makes the military child special because I didn’t know what to say but the questions she asked were so easy like they were tailor made for me. My favorite part was the look on her face when she was all done as she said, “thank you, I never looked at it that way.” I mean when I was growing up schools didn’t set aside a day to “honor the military child” but now they even wear purple and some schools even give them certificates of appreciation, we’ve come a long way. I am a proud military child and I hope you are too because you may not know it today but your parents greatest fear is that their actions will have a negative impact on you! Your success is the goal of everything your parents do so remember to put your best foot forward and know that one day you will end up exactly where you need to be.   -HonestlyGina

  My Father has been in the military for all my life. Being a military kid I have moved around but I was a bit luckier than some others. I didn’t move as often and I have a big family. For some people I knew that wasn’t the case and they struggled with the changes that they had to make. We didn’t sign up for this life and make no mistake it is hard. We say goodbye to our Mothers, Fathers or for some it’s both, and there’s always that looming chance that they may be the one never coming home. That is an all-consuming stress that weighs on everyone. We didn’t choose this life for ourselves but it can be as rewarding as it is completely strenuous emotionally. Personally I haven’t been stationed overseas but my Mother was an Air Force kid and she got to travel with her family across the world. I’ve met so many others as well and they adored their time overseas. Even being stationed in places here in the U.S. can be an amazing experience. There are so many awesome sites free to the public in this country in every state. But no matter how exciting the new place is we all get caught up in what we leave behind every time we move. Some places might be better than others but everywhere we stop we’re making a home and building a life together. And like in every aspect of life there are people who we like and who like us that don’t know what it’s like to be in a military family. Saying goodbye is always hard but saying goodbye to those people are always the hardest. With other military kids there’s always the chance you’ll meet again at another base. Our goodbyes don’t need to be permanent and if anyone knows how best to keep in touch its a military kid. For us our families are the most important part of our lives. Our siblings and our parents are our constants. The people, the background, the climates, the houses all change and for some it can be as often as they go school shopping. Living in it can be crazy and for majority of military families they know just how busy it can be. We didn’t choose our parents and we definitely didn’t choose their jobs but we love them anyway. With every goodbye we send a prayer that they come home safe and intact because we know that while my Dad may make it home someone else in his platoon may not. This life is a roller coaster ride for sure but we live it daily and we make the best of everything coming our way.   -LeAnna

**This post was originally posted here *** By 2008, the war we were waging overseas was still strong. The deaths and injuries were coming home every day. Nothing would ever be the same. Their father was finally coming home after what felt like an eternity. Donovan was 3 years old at the time, and he was ready to see his daddy again. Little did he know, his daddy was different. Angry, distant, and unable to cope with life after Iraq their father started to self-medicate. He was absent from birthdays, family events, and social gatherings. Donovan and his younger sister, Amber, no longer felt daddy’s love. Their mother, Sarah, was desperate to help her family from falling apart. Sarah could feel the distance, the lack of support and love, and the terror that her children were facing, for they felt as though they lost their father back in Iraq. Amber and Donovan understood their fathers knee injury, but the anger and depression was something children their age could not understand. He would get angry and lash out with no warning. In 2014, reality hit Sarah and her family. Her husband had a suicide scare, as a result, he finally received the help he needed. Explaining to Amber and Donovan that daddy had a brain injury was difficult at first, but Sarah knew that if they continued the conversation every day, her wonderfully strong military kids would understand to a certain extent. Instead of a constant focus on how life would be different, Sarah knew her kids needed a positive outlet. For Donovan she first tried sports, like football, but found her son intimidated by the aggressive nature of the coach. The constant yelling added to Donovan’s stress and anxiety. Sarah reached out to Our Military Kids in 2014. Money was tight, as her husband could not work due to his injuries. Sarah’s kids were eligible for the grant program. Donovan and Amber, quickly became enrolled in gymnastics. Both of her kids would come home to share what they learned at gymnastics. They wanted to make sure their dad could see their flips and turns even if he felt uncomfortable going to the gym to watch. Being around large crowds and loud noises was very uncomfortable for their father. It would take time before he could see his kids perform, or even want to risk going out. Their father has now seen them perform a few times, and is very proud of his kids. Although at times the performances can be hard, his children’s self-esteem has grown. Getting Amber and Donovan involved in gymnastics not only helped them find a place to alleviate their stress, it gave the whole family something positive to focus on and support. Their father is proud of everything they do and wants to continue to share their passion for gymnastics. “I know their lives will not be “normal” but they have a hero for a dad and they take a lot of pride in that. I think Our Military Kids has been a therapy, when they sometimes don’t understand the world around them. I can’t thank this organization enough and I hope it can continue to grow and thrive because if it has done this much for my family think of how many other families you are saving!!!”- Sarah Lopez   -AnnaMaria G. Gallozzi

  The kids have started a new daycare and are making new friends.  The other night  I picked them up and Keira was a bit withdrawn.  I asked if she wanted to talk and Ella said, “Mama, Garrett stuck up for Keira today.”  Through the eyes (and words) of a five year old I heard our first story of how completely naïve and uncompassionate children can be. Sitting in the backseat Ella proceeded to tell me of a disagreement that started over the color pink.  Apparently a little boy and Keira were having a passionate discussion over whether or not pink was a real color.  Keira got frustrated and said, “I’m just going to ask my dad when I FaceTime him tonight.”  The little boy inquired to why she would need to do that and she explained her dad was preparing for deployment.  He responded by saying something to the effect of “he probably is going to get shot.” It’s hard to fathom how such a simple discussion can turn so hurtful. Put yourself in the shoes of an 8 year old who loves and worships her father.  A little girl so full of pride for his service, yet so fearful of those exact words.  Our family knows the reality of war.  We’ve lost friends in theater, to suicide and to the hands of their fellow soldiers.  The day we told Keira about the upcoming adventure, and every day since, she’s asked at least once a day about the “what ifs.”  Each time it tears my heart out and I see terror and strength mixed up in a tiny little body. What can you say to make it easier?  The reality is, there is nothing to say.  There is nothing that can ease her fears.  There is only patience, understanding and lots of hugs. The life my husband and I have chosen is wrought with challenge that is shaping the lives of our children.  We choose to teach them that the life we live is an honor, even in the tough moments.  So when other children lash out and say hurtful things without understanding the pain they inflict, we use it as an opportunity to teach.  We talk about what respect looks like and how to handle situations where opinions differ, stakes become high and people say things that are hurtful.  We teach them to persevere and to forgive (even when we want to do everything but). I will never pretend to be perfect or that I know all the answers, but I will do the best that I can every day.  I will be strong when I want to be weak and I will see challenge as opportunity.  Through this I only hope that our children continue to grow to be well rounded, resilient and compassionate citizens. Whatever lies ahead, there is one thing that is certain, we will get through it together. -Karen

By Taylor   Oh, deployment… There’s nothing easy about it. With long days, longer nights, high levels of stress and exhaustion, and of course, the longing for your significant other to be by your side. Deployments create a challenge for any military spouse, but what about the challenge for your children? Each stage of your child’s life—from infancy to the teen years—is greatly affected by the absence of one of their parents. So how can we, as their at-home parent, make this difficult time easier and quicker for our children? Let’s take a look at five different ways to help deployment fly by for your toddler:  

  1. Let them process their feelings. There’s nothing worse than your child realizing Mom or Dad is gone and you trying to change the subject only to confuse and frustrate them. By letting your child process their feelings and occasionally have a bad day from missing their parent, they can have some time to understand the situation. Missing someone is a tough lesson to learn, but with you by his or her side to help navigate their emotions, they’ll have an easier time learning to understand.

 

  1. Check out Daddy Dolls or recording books. Daddy Dolls are small pillow-like dolls with an image of your spouse who is deployed on them. You can even insert a voice recorder so their doll sends a special message from Mommy or Daddy to them each time they squeeze their Daddy Doll with a big hug. Another great idea? Record your spouse reading a special voice-recording book so they can be a part of bedtime stories even when they are away.

 

  1. Make a countdown. Whether in days, weeks, or months, make some sort of countdown chain or jar. Your child can help put the chain together or fill the jar, and take a ring off or eat a Hershey’s Kiss (a kiss for each day they are gone) for every day that passes.

 

  1. Rainy day bucket. Write down activities on notecards—from visiting the zoo to building a pillow fort to baking cookies—and insert them into a bucket. Every time your child is having a tough day, pick something fun from the bucket to do that day. This is a perfect way to help turn those bad days into a good one and help them pass by quickly.

 

  1. Write a story. This is a fun care package idea. Have your child write stories of what they did that week (or month, etc.) complete with illustrations. Each time you send Mommy or Daddy a care package, send the story with it! Your spouse will love reading about what your child thought was special or fun since the last care package, and your child will love including them in their days.

  Deployments aren’t fun for anyone—especially your children—but there are ways to make them pass by faster and more pleasantly for both you and your kids. You’ll be kept busy, and your kids will be grateful that you took the time to make it easier on them!    

  I am the proud wife of a National Guard Soldier and mother of three beautiful children, ages 5, 8 and 11.  I’ve been given the distinct honor to be selected as a blogger for Our Military Kids and I couldn’t be more excited to share our adventure in hopes of helping others in some small way.  Our Military Kids is a wonderful organization that helped our family to navigate our first deployment and we actually used the grant award as an opportunity to share the news with our kids. When I met my husband nine years ago he wasn’t yet in the military, in fact, when he decided to enlist it was a decision we made together.  We made the decision that the National Guard was the best fit for our family because it allowed “balance.”  It would give my husband the opportunity to serve his country and allow him to be around more for our growing family.  Sounds good doesn’t it?  The reality is life as a National Guard family is not easy.  The reality is the life of any military family is not easy.  In nearly 7 years of service my husband has missed more birthdays, anniversaries and life milestones than we can collectively count.  There is a perception that the National Guard only serves “one weekend a month, two weeks a year.”  The reality is our experience has never been that. We are about to embark on our second deployment in three years.  When we learned another deployment was on the horizon, it shook us at our very core.  The first one was tough, very tough.  The weird thing is looking back the deployment itself wasn’t even the hard part.  It was the coming back together part that was hard.  My husband and I had become different people in the year we were apart.  We knew it wouldn’t be easy and we had promised we would never be “those people.”  No matter how much training we had attended, reading we had done or promises we had made each other, when it was time we struggled to figure out how to be a together again.  We struggled, bad.  The stark truth is there were times we almost didn’t make it.  It took work, love and forgiveness but we made it.  We CHOSE to make it. “Looks like I’m going to have to go on another adventure.” These were words I wasn’t ready for.  I didn’t see it coming and it literally kicked me in the face.  The first thoughts that crossed my mind were: No. It’s not fair. We almost didn’t make it last time, can we do this again? How am I going to tell Keira? I had my moment.  There were tears, lots of them.  Then there was the decision.  The decision to hike ’em up and drive on.  It’s what we do, because that is the choice we made seven years ago when we made the decision together that we would be a military family.  It’s the choice we make today and every day that lies ahead. Shortly after learning of the impending adventure we made the decision as a family to take the kids back to home so that we could have the support of our family and friends while their dad is away.  The journey settling back in to our home state and old friendships hasn’t been nearly as easy as we had hoped but it has been entirely worth it.   -Karen

Chaney2Chaney Enterprises came by our offices yesterday to unveil their newest concrete truck. On one side the truck has a beautiful logo that says “Pouring our hearts in every job,” on the other side is Our Military Kids logo. Chaney Enterprises was right to say they are pouring their hearts into every job, because these young group of people are very passionate. At no cost to us, they willingly put our logo on their brand new truck. At Our Military Kids, we want to thank you for servicing Maryland, DC and Virginia with passion and care. Thank you for being an Our Military Kids supporter! We appreciate all that you do! – AnnaMaria    

  I put down my roots almost anywhere And its almost impossible to destroy me. I am good looking A survivor in a broad range of climates. My roots are very strong. I was born deeply into the culture of the Army. I was planted carefully and ready to fly in the breezes that take me to new places, friends and adventures. I soon bloom anywhere the wind carries me. I am completely culturally aware, well rounded, and tolerant. I have learned from an early age that my home is where my heart is and always will be. Good friends can be found in every country, place, and corner of the world. I have learned that to survive means to adapt. For every door and window that closes, there is a new chapter that opens and I am always ready to explore. New and exciting friends, places, and adventures await me. I am………A Military Dandelion!!!   A’mani Simmons (Army baby since birth)