Mental Illness and Veteran Families

Written by: Sinaiyah E. (16)

Looking back…

Almost a year ago to the day, my whole world was brutally turned upside down. In September of 2023, my father, a retired Major in the United States Air Force, who is also a combat Veteran, endured a horrible setback due to his invisible injuries, namely his PTSD and TBI. Even though my family was vocal about our struggles and asked for help from our closest communities, few seemed to step up and provide support, and the ones who didn’t, turned their backs. I began to realize that because my dad doesn’t have amputated limbs or visible battle scars, it was difficult for others to see that something was actually wrong, and that there was a dire need for help. The truth is, though you could not see it, my dad’s invisible injuries were tearing him apart, and my family was crumbling right along with him.

That was when I decided to write about my experience. I couldn’t blame the people who stepped away for being afraid about something they knew nothing about, and in my attempt to process the pain, I turned my mixed and mangled feelings and observations onto a blank page where I slowly began to see an article form. I continued to write with my family, and others who had gone through similar struggles in mind.

I wrote with all of my heart for the children, teens, and young adults who have had to witness their parents suffer the way my sister and I had to. I wrote for those children who endured as one parent battled mental health challenges, due to their injuries, while the other was forced to step up and fulfill the role of caregiving along with the demands of single parenting.

After the long, releasing process of writing, I was delighted that what I had written was not a source of shame that I had to hide away, instead I saw it as a beacon of hope; my shining, brilliant lighthouse illuminating my world in the middle of a dark, black storm. For the first time since our traumatic and terrifying experience, I had finally found my voice.  

After hours of reading, editing and re-reading, I submitted my article to supportive organizations that published it immediately, including Our Military Kids, Wounded Warrior Project, and the Bethany Beach, Delaware Coastal Point local newspaper. The feedback I received was overwhelming. However, I began to realize that although I had taken the first step to push for change by writing an article, there was more that needed to be done. Nothing can truly change without real commitment. If I wanted to see change happen, it wasn’t all going to ride on one article and if I was really serious about wanting to see improvements made, I would have to go all the way.

One year after the setback, our family continues to heal. We are still dealing with the repercussions of our tragedy and steadily working on relationship restoration and individual healing. The road to recovery has not been easy but we are relentlessly pushing through, fighting for our family, fighting for one another. The reality is the troubles we faced last year are not isolated to just my family. According to Elizabeth Dole, founder of the Elizabeth Dole Foundation, “There are 2.3 million military children living in the homes of wounded warriors.” That is 2.3 million children who have had to live with the fear of triggers and setbacks, 2.3 million children who are faced daily with anxiety and the possibility of secondary PTSD.  However, this does not have to be a reality anymore.

Looking ahead…

After much prayer and seeking guidance from our parents and mentors, my sister, Azara, and I have made the decision to launch a blog titled, “We Signed Up Too.” We decided on the name as a nod to the article that ignited my sister’s and my passion to bring awareness to this small, but significant population. The idea of “We Signed Up Too,” is to serve as a reminder of the child whose parent(s) signed the dotted line, while knowingly or unknowingly signing up those closest to them. The blog will provide support and a virtual community for children of injured combat Veterans with new informative articles published regularly. There will be practical information and resources for the family as a whole to take advantage of, particularly focusing on mental health and wellness. Lastly, it will contain practical tips for those not familiar with the combat Veteran community on ways to lend a helping hand. The blog will launch in April 2025 to commemorate the Month of the Military Child. The dream of “We Signed Up Too” is to provide providing  kids and teens of wounded warriors with a lifeline, an interactive community that understands, provides encouragement, and spreads hope to those going through the thick of their struggles.

Azara and I have constantly grappled with questions such as, “given the uncertainty of our circumstances, are we truly capable of making this important commitment?” I have learned since the onset of this year that what truly matters is showing up. My sister, and I choose to show up. By starting this blog, we choose to show up for those who feel alone and unheard, for the families that have been torn apart because of mental illness, and we choose to show up for the children who have yet to find their voice.

One year later, my family is still carrying the emotional scars of our experience, but we are also carrying something even stronger, hope. Our fight is not over, but small steps are being taken with the greater goal in mind which is to bring awareness and support to the children of combat Veterans.

Why should so much effort be put into this population? Because these children and youth need us to back them up, they deserve to be heard, because after all, they signed up too.

Our Military Kids Ovation will honor two decades of enhancing military family wellbeing, one activity at a time.

OAKTON, Va., Sept. 10, 2024 /PRNewswire/ — Our Military Kids^®, a national nonprofit providing extracurricular activity grants to military children and teens, is thrilled to celebrate 20 years of enhancing military family wellbeing at Our Military Kids Ovation, an event honoring two decades of supporting the children of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, and post-9/11, combat-injured or ill Veterans.

Made possible by presenting sponsor USAA, Our Military Kids Ovation will be held on Sept. 12, 2024, at Planet Word in Washington, D.C. The event will give a special ovation to the military families, program partners, investors, and inaugural OMK Hall of Fame inductees who have made this mission possible.

“For 20 years, Our Military Kids has honored the resilience of our youngest heroes and invested in a brighter future for them,” said Justin Schmitt, Assistant Vice President of Corporate Responsibility at USAA. “USAA is proud to support this incredible mission that provides joy and light in military children and teens.”

Made possible by presenting sponsor USAA, Our Military Kids Ovation will be held on Sept. 12, 2024, at Planet Word in Washington, D.C. The event will give a special ovation to the military families, program partners, investors, and inaugural OMK Hall of Fame inductees who have made this mission possible.

“For 20 years, Our Military Kids has honored the resilience of our youngest heroes and invested in a brighter future for them,” said Justin Schmitt, Assistant Vice President of Corporate Responsibility at USAA. “USAA is proud to support this incredible mission that provides joy and light in military children and teens.”

Announcing Our Military Kids 2024 Hall of Fame Inductees:

Special Honorees

The Honorable Trent Kelly, United States House of Representatives (MS-1)
The Honorable Elizabeth Dole
LTG Roger Shultz, USA (Ret), 17th Director, Army National Guard

Trailblazers

Fisher House Foundation
Hidden Helpers Coalition
Joining Forces
Military Times Foundation
National Guard Bureau
National Guard and Reserve Component Caucus

Torchbearers

Gabby Douglas, Olympian
Jimmy Garoppolo, NFL Quarterback
Taylor Montgomery, PGA Golfer
Jordan Spieth, PGA Golfer

Founding Sponsors

Bob Woodruff Foundation
The Boeing Company
General Dynamics
Lockheed Martin
Northrop Grumman Corporation
Rolls-Royce

Founders

Linda Davidson
Gail Fertel

“Thanks to our supporters, Our Military Kids has officially awarded more than 92,000 extracurricular activity scholarships totaling $34 million to children from all 50 states, D.C., and U.S. territories since our founding 20 years ago. We love to say we have a military family in every zip code,” said Kara Dallman, Executive Director and U.S. Navy Veteran. “While we are celebrating, we are also rolling up our sleeves. We want military families to know we stand steadfast in our support as they continue to make sacrifices to protect our freedom.”

Our Military Kids has never turned away an eligible military child thanks to support from investors, partners, and volunteers over the past 20 years. Learn more at: www.ourmilitarykids.org

About Our Military Kids®

Our Military Kids® is a national 501(c)(3) nonprofit offering extracurricular activity grants to children and teens of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, or post-9/11 combat wounded, ill, or injured Veterans in treatment. OMK activity grants build children’s self-confidence, enhance family wellness, and strengthen a shared sense of community.

Military kids are honored as leaders in their families, schools, extracurricular activities, and communities.

OAKTON, Va., April 16, 2024 /PRNewswire/ — Our Military Kids®, a national nonprofit providing extracurricular activity grants to military children and teens, honors 12 extraordinary winners of its fourth annual Courageous Kids Contest during April’s Month of the Military Child.

Our Military Kids®, a national nonprofit, honors 12 Courageous Kids Contest winners for the Month of the Military Child.Post this

One winner, Samson (16), has a combat-injured Marine Corps parent. His mother said: “In supporting his dad, he contributes significantly to the healing process. His love, compassion, and unwavering presence are invaluable. Together, we all navigate this path, and Samson’s strength continues to uplift his dad and our entire family.”

Throughout his father’s treatment, Samson has maintained a 4.2 GPA, was captain of his high school track team through back-to-back championships, and volunteered for “I am a Promise Books” which collects books for children at SAFE Family Justice Centers.

Another winner, EmmaJane (8), wiped away tears as she shared with her class what it is like to be a military child during a live stream with her dad who was deployed with the Air National Guard. A two-time “Student of the Month” exhibiting traits of honesty and gratitude, EmmaJane also has compassion for individuals facing homelessness. From lemonade stand and yard sale fundraisers to designing and selling greeting cards, she hopes to fully fund a “tiny home” by the time she graduates high school.

This year’s Courageous Kids Contest was made possible thanks to Presenting Sponsors Fisher House Foundation and Navy Federal Credit Union.

“As the mom of two military kids, I know first-hand the duty of ensuring they feel loved and cared for while their dad is away,” said Brandi Gomez, Assistant Manager, Corporate Social Responsibility for Navy Federal. “OMK grants help military children find joy when they need it most, and I’m grateful Navy Federal is part of it.”

All 12 winners will each receive a $300 cash stipend, award certificate, and have their story shared on OMK’s digital platforms.

Meet each winner at: www.ourmilitarykids.org/contest-winners/

About Our Military Kids®
Our Military Kids® is a national 501(c)(3) nonprofit offering extracurricular activity grants to children and teens of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, or post-9/11 combat wounded, ill, or injured Veterans in treatment. OMK activity grants build the children’s self-confidence, enhance family wellness, and strengthen a shared sense of community.

About Navy Federal Credit Union:
Established in 1933 with only seven members, Navy Federal now has the distinct honor of serving more than 13 million members globally and is the world’s largest credit union. As a member-owned and not-for-profit organization, Navy Federal always puts the financial needs of its members first. Membership is open to all Department of Defense and Coast Guard Active Duty, Veterans, civilian and contractor personnel, and their families. Navy Federal employs a workforce of over 24,000 and has a global network of 355 branches. For more information about Navy Federal Credit Union, visit navyfederal.org. Federally insured by NCUA. Equal Opportunity Employer.

By: National Park Trust

In April 2024, seven military families were treated to an exciting day at Mammoth Cave National Park, thanks to a collaboration between the National Park Trust, National Park Service (NPS), and Our Military Kids. This partnership provides National Guard, Reserve, and post-9/11 combat-injured service members and their families with access to outdoor recreation opportunities in national park sites across the country. 

The day began with learning about the park’s rich natural and cultural resources before embarking on a historical cave tour led by park rangers into the world’s largest cave system. In the afternoon, families hiked through the Kentucky wilderness and visited another cave at the park, Wondering Woods Cave, for an intimate view of different cave formations. As part of this event, participating military families were presented with their Interagency Military Annual Pass, which provides entrance or access for one year to more than 2,000 federal recreational sites, including all National Park Service sites, for current military members and their dependents.

This event at Mammoth Cave National Park is the first of four outdoor recreation-focused events in 2024 hosted by this partnership. Other event locations include Indiana Dunes National Park, IN, Golden Gate National Recreation Area, CA, and Zion National Park, UT.

The program, supported by the NPS and coordinated by National Park Trust and Our Military Kids, doesn’t just offer special outings for military members and their loved ones. It also emphasizes the significance of nurturing ties with nature and forging community connections. These trips allow families to enjoy the great outdoors, learn new skills, and create lasting memories, reinforcing the invaluable role national parks play in promoting recreation, education, and family well-being.

Through March 10, 2024, nominate an extraordinary military child or teen in your community for the fourth annual Our Military Kids Courageous Kids Contest. 

OAKTON, Va., Feb. 14, 2024 /PRNewswire/ — Today Our Military Kids^® (OMK), a national nonprofit in its 20^th year of providing extracurricular activity grants to military children, opens nominations for its fourth annual Courageous Kids Contest to recognize up to 13 extraordinary military children and teens from across the country.

Our Military Kids is now accepting nominations for the fourth annual Courageous Kids Contest through March 10, 2024.Post this

Through March 24, 2024, parents, teachers, coaches, and other community members are encouraged to nominate a military child or teen (ages 1-18) who has shown exceptional courage, resilience, and strength throughout the past year as role models and leaders in their local communities, at school, within their families, and/or in extracurricular activities, all while a parent has: 

• Deployed overseas or activated stateside with the National Guard or Reserve, OR
• Underwent treatment for post-9/11, combat-related injuries, illnesses, or wounds.

Up to 13 winners will be selected representing each branch of U.S. military service, plus a Hidden Helper Hero Award presented to an exceptional child who has been impacted by the caregiving duties of a parent in combat injury treatment.

“We are thrilled to amplify even more incredible military kid voices during our fourth annual Courageous Kids Contest,” said Kara Dallman, OMK Executive Director and U.S. Navy Veteran. “These children are going above and beyond in their communities, homes, schools, and activities while braving a parent’s deployment or treatment with such grace and resolve. They deserve this special recognition, especially in honor of the Month of the Military Child!”

Prizes include a $300 cash stipend, personalized award certificate, and each winner’s story shared across OMK’s digital and print platforms throughout April’s Month of the Military Child. 

Nominate a military child or teen in your community by March 10, 2024: ourmilitarykids.org/contest 

About Our Military Kids^®
Our Military Kids recognizes the sacrifice of children of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, or post-9/11, combat-injured Veterans with extracurricular activity grants that build children’s self-confidence, enhance family wellness, and strengthen a shared sense of community. Since 2004, Our Military Kids has given more than 88,000 activity grants worth $32 million. Learn more at: ourmilitarykids.org 

Survey results show the need for enrichment activity scholarships for 1-and-2-year-olds of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, and combat-injured Veterans.

OAKTON, Va., Jan. 3, 2024 /PRNewswire/ — Our Military Kids® (OMK), a national nonprofit providing activity scholarships to military children and teens, has expanded its program eligibility criteria this week to include 1-and 2-year-olds in both the Deployed and Combat Injured Programs.

According to OMK’s 2023 Annual Survey of beneficiary families, 91% of Deployed Program families and 79% of Combat Injured Program families with children ages one and two would have applied for OMK enrichment activity scholarships if their children had been eligible.

Our Military Kids® has expanded its eligibility criteria to provide activity scholarships to 1-and 2-year-olds.Post this

“OMK has troves of data we routinely use to drive program expansion and improve service delivery. Our Board of Directors seized this opportunity to do to both for our youngest military children,” said Kara Dallman, OMK Executive Director and retired Navy Veteran. “Whether they tumble, swim, or express themselves in music class, their sense of confidence and belonging will soar.”

In an expansion pilot, 2-year-old Clara from Florida took swimming lessons and learned critical life skills during her father’s U.S. Air Force Reserve deployment.

“Since my daughter received this grant, she has developed a passion for swimming,” said an OMK beneficiary parent. “She used to be scared of water, but her swimming has improved, and the fear is gone. She would like to participate on a swim team one day which would never have been possible without this grant.”

Now entering its 20^th year of support for military families, Our Military Kids has awarded more than 88,000 enrichment activity scholarships to children of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, and post-9/11 Veterans in treatment for combat-related wounds, illnesses, or injuries. Broadening eligibility criteria to include 1-and 2-year-olds extends this life-changing support, ensuring even more military children have the chance to stay active, relieve stress, and connect to their communities.

For more information and to apply, please visit ourmilitarykids.org.

About Our Military Kids®

Our Military Kids recognizes the sacrifice of children of deployed National Guard, deployed Reserve, or post-9/11, combat-injured service members or Veterans by offering extracurricular activity grants that build children’s self-confidence, enhance family wellness, and strengthen a shared sense of community. Since 2004, OMK has given more than 88,000 activity scholarships worth $32 million. Learn more at ourmilitarykids.org.

By: National Park Trust

In December 2023, seven military families were treated to an exciting day at Cabrillo National Monument, thanks to a collaboration between the National Park Trust, National Park Service (NPS), and Our Military Kids. This partnership provides National Guard, Reserve, and post-9/11 combat-injured service members and their families with access to outdoor recreation opportunities in national park sites across the country.

The day began with a ranger program about the monuments’ natural and cultural history, followed by a tour of the Old Point Loma Lighthouse and barracks. Families then headed down to the rocky intertidal area, also known as the tidepools. They saw wildlife, like barnacles, sea anemones, and sea stars, and plenty of fish. This event marked the fourth and last outdoor recreation event scheduled for 2023 at national park sites. Other trips were hosted by the Park Trust at Assateague National Seashore, MD, Mount Rainier National Park, WA, and Biscayne National Park, FL.

The initiative, funded by the NPS and facilitated by the National Park Trust and Our Military Kids, not only provided a memorable day for military personnel and their families but also highlighted the importance of fostering connections with nature and building community bonds. Through these events, families were able to enjoy the great outdoors, learn new skills, and create lasting memories, reinforcing the invaluable role national parks play in promoting recreation, education, and family well-being.

Written by: S.E. (age 15)

Invisible. That’s how I felt as my family had to overcome the many interruptions thrown at us because of the injuries inflicted on my dad by war.

Even though we lived close to a military base, it seemed no one understood the pain I carried seeing my dad suffer from something that resulted from his dedication to our country. What hurt the most was witnessing the people whose freedom he fought for respond with judgment. I felt alone.

Unfortunately, it’s not just me who has carried this heaviness. Over two million children across the United States feel unheard and overlooked. What do these children have in common? They all have parents who are wounded, ill, or injured Veterans.

For one day every year, America stops to honor Veterans and those who actively serve. But, what about the other 364 days of the year? What happens to those who daily brace themselves to face the unknowns that may surface from a family member struggling with mental illness? Consider those who must suffer in silence knowing their peers cannot understand what they deal with.

Although we are not in the same place we were six decades ago regarding our understanding of mental illness in Veterans, unfortunately, there is still a stigma attached to the topic. I believe honoring the injured Veteran, and supporting the family should go hand in hand. Because whenever a family member signs the dotted line to serve, knowingly or unknowingly, the whole family signs up right along with them. When a Veteran is injured, aside from any medical help they may receive, who is their greatest support system? Their family. And because of the stigma attached to mental health struggles, Veteran families often lack the support they desperately need.

The hope is by the end of this piece, you will have a greater understanding of the fight Veterans suffering from unseen wounds must combat every single day. I also hope you will gain insight on the crucial role the family plays in a Veteran’s recovery process, and how important it is for you to reach out to the Veteran families in your circle with compassion and support.

The experience of every Veteran and his or her family is different. They are like a fingerprint. Some families’ stories may appear to be similar, but each is unique to the warrior and their family. My story is also my own.

This is My Story

My dad was deployed in 2013. Near the end of his deployment, he was injured and forced to return home to receive care because the installation he was assigned to was unable to provide the care he needed. The only visible wound was the injury he received in his right leg, and it was assumed that was all.

We lived in California at the time, and although we were ecstatic to have my dad back, we noticed he was exhibiting signs of unwarranted anger, bouts of depression, and heightened anxiety. My mom, who is in the mental health field and had been a Key Spouse in my dad’s unit, knew there was something more going on. As a Key Spouse, she worked alongside my dad’s unit commander providing support to families of deployed members within the unit.

To get my dad and our family the help we so desperately needed; mom consulted with his commander regarding my dad’s condition. Afterall, that was the role of the unit Key Spouse. Unfortunately, my mom’s legitimate care and concern backfired. The commander’s response was surprisingly unsupportive. When my dad recovered from his physical injury enough to go back into the office, he was mistreated and ostracized by his superiors. He had gone from being a well-respected Major in the United States Air Force with a promising future to dealing with maltreatment and the success of his career being threatened. Life continued, however, and although we didn’t understand everything that was going on, we began to accept life as it was.

We moved to Virginia in 2015 and thought we could start fresh and new. All seemed to be fine, that is, until August of 2016, when one unexpected night, my dad suffered a stroke. That was when our already complicated life was turned upside down. Multiple tests were administered and in addition to the stroke, the doctors found that my dad had a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury), which was tied to his deployment back in 2013. Because of this finding, they were prompted to test for PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) which he was eventually diagnosed with. These multiple diagnoses, which required years of treatment and therapy, led us on a long search to find a new norm in our chaos. We knew from then on, our family would never be the same again.

How Mental Illness Affects Veteran Families

Mental illness is real, especially in wounded Veterans. Due to their combat experiences, invisible wounds such as depression, anxiety, PTSD and TBI are common. Because of my dad’s TBI, there are certain activities he cannot do, and he processes things differently than many people. His combat-induced PTSD can cause setbacks that lead to depression. Some who suffer from these two conditions combined can also exhibit symptoms of mania, if triggered, another possible result of combat experience.

According to NVHS (National Veterans Homeless Support) up to 25%, or 1 in 4 Veterans suffer from mental illness, as opposed to the national average of 1 in 5 Americans. In addition, many don’t have enough support, leading to feelings of hopelessness, a higher chance of homelessness, and substance abuse.

Another very grave reality is divorce. As recorded in a study by BYU (Brigham Young University), 62% of Veteran marriages end in divorce.

Without a proper support system, we could lose those who fought to ensure our safety and freedom. There is also the risk of secondhand PTSD which many military children face because of the trauma they view their parents struggle through and attempt to overcome every day.

If it had not been for my parents, who fought to have us present in my dad’s care and recovery, I wouldn’t understand my father’s disabilities like I do today. The sad truth is many children are unaware of what is truly going on with their Veteran parent. Sometimes, they spend their entire childhood blaming the parent. Although it seems safer to shield the child from what is truly happening, in reality, it can sever the parent-child relationship leading to dire consequences within the family. Even though it was comforting to have the knowledge that my dad’s depression, anger outbursts, and sudden changes of mood were his condition and not him, I still found it hard coming to terms with the reality that I didn’t know how he would respond at any given moment.

I remember the pain I felt one day when a friend came to my home and bluntly asked, “Why is your dad always so angry?” How could I explain what was happening? How could I tell her these behaviors were not how he normally would respond, and it was a result of his injuries? My friend did not know my dad like I did. Would she really believe me if I told her that his reactions weren’t him? I was at a loss for words at her blatant question and confused as to how to respond.

Unfortunately, that wouldn’t be the only time I would have to search for a response, endure the side glances, the disapproving looks, or insolent behaviors not only from friends my age but also from adults who didn’t understand. Because of this, there was a time in my life when I remember shutting down. I had no will to live, make friends, or even trust anyone. It was hard suffering alone, watching as my mom struggled to care for my sister and me, and at the same time be a caregiver to my father. Almost more challenging was seeing my younger sister step up to help my family in ways no child should at her young age. Additionally, the rejection of people who we previously considered our friends seemed unbearable.

Support Makes all the Difference

The life of the child of a military injured Veteran is a hard one, but it doesn’t have to be. The simple act of reaching out, showing them their suffering matters, and they are not invisible makes all the difference.

I truly believe my experience would have been different if more people had a greater understanding of injuries such as TBI and PTSD and lent greater support. Conversely, had I not gone through this experience, I would not be able to write this. I wouldn’t be able to bring attention to the need for greater mental health awareness for Veterans and their families.

This Veterans Day, as we honor the wounded, ill, or injured Veterans around us, let us also boldly acknowledge the sacrifices their spouses and children make. Let’s take the time to reach out, check in with, and pray for them.

Let’s offer support to struggling families, even if all that means is listening as they share their unique story, maybe for the very first time, because they signed up too.